Confessions of a Fauf

Monday, January 29, 2007

Movie-Going Experience My Eye

Friday night I went to the movies (Edward's theater here in Santa Maria) with roomie Jen and watched Catch and Release with Jennifer Garner. Most people know this, but I must say it again: I adore Jennifer Garner and honestly think she would be my friend if I lived in her world. She seems so down to earth and genuiney nice. Anyways, the movie was good, but the movie-going experience was not. When we got to the theater, we had barely ten minutes before it started. Jen and I were starving, but knew the only food we had time to get was from the snack bar. So while Jen saved our seats, I stood in line at the snack bar. It was ridiculous. Here is how the whole situation played out (in sitcom fashion):

Clerk: half-sleep with a low voice "Can I help you?"
Me: "Yeah, first what is a 'tornado'?
Clerk: "Uh, I think it's like a tequito thing...or something."
Me: "So is it meat inside a tortilla...?"
Clerk: "Uh, I'm not sure. Let me ask." He saunters off, unaware that this place is very busy, people are in a ruch, and his co-workers are running around crazy trying to please these people.

I wait. And wait. As he returns, another customer standing off to the side asks, "When are my hot dogs gonna be done?"
Clerk: "Uh, I dunno."
Man: "Can you find out? I need to know how long to wait."
Clerk: "Uh, ok." He saunters off, leaving me to wonder what on earth I'm supposed to do.

I wait. And wait. Meanwhile there's this annoying young girl behind me, practically leaning against me and breathing in my ear. Suddenly, hope! Another clerk opens her register. She calls out, "I can help the next person in line!"

I wait. And wait. I don't wanna be too pushy, but no one else is stepping up to her. I glance down the counter and see the first dufus of a clerk still sauntering around. Geez! I leave the counter and practically run to the other register.

Clerk 2: "Hi, can I help you?"
Me: "I hope. I'd like a hot dog, a pretzel, a cherry slushy, and a cup of water."
Clerk 2: "Sorry, we're out of the cherry slushy. It's not frozen yet."
Me: "Ok, then two cups of water."
Clerk 2: "No problem." She races away.

I wait. And wait. I notice the poor hot dog customer is still waiting for his hot dogs, looking annoyed. The clerk 2 races back to me with the hot dog and pretzel.

Clerk 2: "That's $9.25."
Me: I pass her my card, she zips it, just as a beeping sound goes off in the background, sounding quite insistent. The clerk 2 begins an indecisive dodging game between me and the beeping source, trying to decide which is more important. Finally, the beeping wins and she races off to push a button that just saved the world...or at least the popcorn. She's back and gives me my receipt.

Me: I hate to bring it up, but--"Two cups of water?"
Clerk 2: "Oh, sorry. Here."

With my snacks in my purse (my large theater-going purse) and cups of water in hand, I dodge into the theater and hand the snacks to Jen.

Jen: "Where's the slushy?"
Me: "It wasn't frozen."
Jen: sighs and gets up. "Then I'm getting a soda." She misses the first five minutes of the movie, but at least she's happy.

Meanwhile, I douse my hotdog with mustard, it's not much of a dinner, but it suffices. Jen opens her soft pretzel.
Jen: "Did they just stick this thing in a microwave or something?"
Me: "Looks that way. Sorry."
We watch the movie. It's great, it's soon over, and we want to leave this horrific movie-going experience.

Jen: "I'm leaving my trash."
Me: "Good. Let's leave all our trash. Hey, and clean out your wallet. I'll clean out my purse. Now is the best time to do that."
We stand up to leave.

Jen: "Ha-ha! You left your trash on the floor!"
Me: "I know. They need to bend down and clean it up."
We leave. And while it was the worste movie-going experience of all time, I must admit I am a bit ashamed of my deliberate uncleanliness. It goes against my principles of not littering. I will never litter again!

Friday, January 26, 2007

A Nutshell

Just thought like I needed to recap this week, not because it was particularly thrilling, but because I feel like it was a great week! So here's my week in a nutshell.

Mon: Teaching. Had two kids out sick, God save us! Had dinner with my co-worker Marisa (she does exist and is delightful, contrary to other opinions set forth by certain fiances.)

Tue: Took a day off to observe classes at May Grisham. Mrs. Hough is amazing! And I came away feeling more confident in my teaching, having seen other teachers doing the same things I do! Yay! That night had dinner with Michael at one of his preschooler's homes. Me and the toddler bonded. (Sigh, I miss the Cass)

Wed: Teaching. One of my kids said to me, "Miss Drazin, do you know that when you get married you have to be ready for the possibility of pregnancy?" I wanted to assure him that I would be taking precautions, but thought that was too much info for a 3rd grader! Also that night hung out with Jenn, Cherylynn, Brittany and Hannah. Delightful time!

Thur: Teaching. A fire crew came and did a demo for my class. They brought this cute trailer with miniature rooms in which they taught about fire safetly. Kind of amazing! That night made breakfast and watched Gilmore Girls with the roomie (some, namely Parker, condemned such an action as 'unspiritual'. We were fellowshipping, that has spiritual value!)

Fri. Teaching. I have to host chapel because the principal is absent. We'll see how that goes in...about 15 minutes! My day isn't over yet!

Hurray for recapping weeks

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Premiere

Setting 1: Fauf and Jennipheobes' apartment, middle of the night. The many clocks (all ticking, none syncronized), display the time 2:40 am.

Scene 1: A shadowy figure emerges from Jennipheobes' room, tiptoeing down the hall. Noiselessly, she yawns open Fauf's bedroom door. She pauses, hears nothing (for Fauf never makes any sleeping noises), and tiptoes across the floor. She slips an object into Fauf's purse. Suddenly, Fauf rolls over, Jennipheobes freezes. Fauf sleeps on, so Jennipheobes tiptoes out, and returns to bed.

Setting 2: morning in the apartment. All the clocks, still ticking off, display 7:05 am.

Scene 2: Fauf's alarm goes off. She moans, rolls over, and slaps the alarm off. She gets out of bed, hits the shower, and in ten mintues she's out, getting ready for work. The last thing she does is grab her purse. As she slips her cell phone in, she notices an object that doesn't belong. She pulls out...(dramatic pause)...Twinkie the Kid (a plast yellow Twinkie with a face, a cowboy hat, and a pair of cowboy boots on his feet).
Fauf: "What? How did...?" She glances at Jennipheobes' door, closed with a Shut sign on the outside. "Dang it! She's still shut for the night."
Fauf goes into the garage and straddles Twinkie the Kid on Jennipheobes' car antenna.

to be continued...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Reality Fauf

I think this should be the title of the sitcom. All the suggestions were great. I especially liked the "Pirate and the Pearl", but I think that title would work best for a romance novel. Being that this new year seems to be all about realities, I believe the title "Reality Fauf" is quite suitable. Here is a list of the characters to appear in the sitcom. I would greatly appreciate any imput on character traits, character flaws (funny, of course), and idiosyncracies that you think would add. Also if there is a character you would like featured in the show, then please let me know.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Mysterious Goings On

I am quite overwhelmed by the response this last blog received. TWELVE comments (mine makes the 13th). I don't believe any of my blogs have received that many comments. I must say thank you to my interested readers. However, there is an issue that needs to be addressed: the annonymous blogger who is baiting Parker so. Honestly, I am baffled and I pray to God it is not my roomie. I also pray that this person will reveal themselves before 7/7/07, because I don't think I can take all this excited anticipation of waiting for my wedding AND waiting for the annonymous blogger to be revealed. Also I don't like the idea of my comments page taking the focus off my blog at hand with all this mysterious bantering. So pray, dear annonymous blogger, reveal yourself so that Parker and I can have some rest. Until then, no further development of the sitcom will be published.

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Script

So I'm starting to plot the sitcom. I have some ideas based on real-life events that have transpired in the last week. I think they would make for some fun, light-hearted entertainment. Here is my list. Fellow readers, please cast your vote as to which topics you would most like to see played out in my sitcom.

The analogy of Parker to a cat
The courageous street-crossing of a mouse (spotted crossing Bradley)
The strange swapping of Twinkee the Kid between Fauf and Jenn
The best Monopoly game ever (Disneyland monopoly)
The unstoppable bread-making machine

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Premiering Soon

Sometimes I feel like my life is a sitcom, especially the part of my life that involves living with my fabulous roomie Jen. The other night we were watching Gilmore Girls and couldn't help noticing how we would very easily fit into that world. Then we started talking about how our roomie life would make a great sitcom. And I mentioned that I think I would like to write a sitcom someday, so why not start gathering material for it now. Really that's what sitcoms are: a writer's funny perception of real life. So Jenn and I decided that we should start writing our sitcom over the next 6 months of our living together. We have some great characters (me, her, two Michaels, a Hough, a crazy neighbor, and jobs). We have great settings (our place the 'Flying Dutchess', the Michaels' place 'The Black Pearl', Jen's bank, my classroom, our small town). And of course we have plenty of witty dialogue and adventurous lives. What more do we need for a great sitcom?

Maybe just a title. Submit your ideas!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Reality Shmeality

So I'm trying to adopt Michael's new progressive views for 2007. He is all about 'realities' right now. I'm suddenly aware of all the realities in my life. Here are a few:

Reality 1: I am back to teaching, back to early mornings, back to extreme measures of patience with 25 little children--this is my reality.

Reality 2: My wedding is exactly six months away come tomorrow the 7th. And I have lots of things to do, but I'm not worried because I have my dress and really that's all that matters--this is my reality.

Reality 3: I am consistently attending the gym, with the goal of looking amazing in my wedding dress and adding some 'star quality' to myself--this is my reality.

Reality 4: Come next month this blog will be a year old, and we will commemorate it--this is my reality.

What's yours?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Welcome to My World, '07

Here it is, the third day of the new year of 2007. And what do I have to say? Oh, just a few comments on the weather, a few ponderings of 2006, a few hopes and dreams for the future...nothing shy of great ridicuolity. (yes, I just made that noun up.)And naturally a list of New Year's resolutions, or as I like to call them, goals.

1. Decide on a color for my wedding and bridemaids dresses for my peeps.
2. Finish watching the entire Gilmore Girls collection currently on DVD. (Preferrably before my marriage, for Michael isn't too keen on them)
3. Collect all the bobby pins I've left all over the world and lock them up where they won't get out and bother others. (Michael and Parker, I apologize for plaguing your home with them.)
4. Come up with more ways to lavish Michael with love because I am so in love with him. (I'm a sap at heart--don't judge)
5. Endorse my roomie Jenn's new hobby of making bread and sample every recipe in her bread book. (It's the beeesstt!)
6. Find someone to invite to my wedding who can fall in love with Parker. (I would just like to pass on the kindness shown to me by Courtney McCutcheon).
7. Invent more words to use, such as ridicuolity and bloggery.

With that said, I will end this bloggery with a happy wish for this new year. May it be heaven in '07 (and trust me, it's bound to be, because I will be getting married. What could be more heavenly?)