Confessions of a Fauf

Monday, July 28, 2008

Summer Living

Now it's time for an edition of "Practical, Convenient Living by Fauf: the Summer Edition". Now that summer is winding down and there are only a few weeks left, it's time to seize the day and live up those last summer days to their fullest. And that comes when you're living practically and conveniently, which always lends itself to having more fun. So sit back, sip your lemonade, and pick up on these tips for practical/convenient living as you follow a day of Fauf.

9:00am--wake up to sunshine peeping through my windows. Keep in mind that regardless of your wake-up time, you can enjoy sunshine peeping in if you raise your shade about 6 inches, just to let in a little light and air without bombarding you.

9:30am--breakfast. I find that cereal is a good way to start off the day, especially if you're starting later. It gives you energy, but also will have you hungry by lunchtime.

10:00am--the Price is Right. You don't have to dedicate a whole hour to this show, but honestly, watching average people win cars and dollars and saunas and life-size carousal horses really puts you in a great mood.

11:00am--take a walk through my community. Here you get a little exercise while also getting to know your neighbors. And commenting on houses and yards sharpens your critic's eye.

12:00--lunchtime. Tip: you want to eat a lunch that is conducive with the rest of your day, especially your coming dinner. If you know you'll be eating early or eating hearty for dinner, then choose a light lunch like a salad (easy to make if you have lettuce, ranch, bacon bits, parmesan cheese, and croutons.) If you might eat late, then go ahead and indulge in a grilled cheese sandwich.

1:00--I've learned that it's good to dive right into a project right after lunch to avoid the drowsiness that can plague you after eating. Some great activities are ones that engage your creativity (like watercolor painting on the porch) and engage your mind (Scrabble on the porch). In case you haven't picked up on the tip yet, the porch is a great place to engage in activities.

2:00--Judge Judy time. After working hard on an activity, it's time for a little veg time. You may choose any number of shows to watch at this time, but I have found Judge Judy a great form of entertainment. You get to see how ridiculous and petty humanity can be and watch someone see right through it and yell back!

3:00--be sure to turn the TV off fast before Ellen's mug ruins a great afternoon. Instead, read a book or clean your house--anything that makes you feel good and keeps you from finding out what hip song Ellen is dancing to for the next ten minutes.

5:30--time to start thinking of dinner. Tip: jot down a quick menu of the week and keep it on your kitchen counter. That way both your household and yourself know what's for dinner...and don't forget to thaw the meat!

6:30--feel like you need dessert but don't want the extra calorie? I just pour myself a glass of the THE best grape juice (all natural) and satisfy my sweet-craving with nature's best! (Paul Newman's grape juice sold two for the price of one at Cosco).

7:00--depending on what you like to watch on TV, this hour could signify the beginning of your prime time TV watching. Jeopardy kicks it off, and jump-starts your accumulation of great random facts. Next is Wheel of Fortune where you can really put your Scrabble skills to use. After that depends on the evening, but you could let out some aggression with American Gladiators, be entertained by ridiculous humanity being yelled at by judges again in America's Got Talent. Or you may go for the old fashion remedy: pop in a DVD.

10:30--bedtime, or sometime around there. I find a good way to wind down is to lay in bed and read till my eyes get drowsy. You'll find it easier to be tired and fall asleep. Fall asleep in peace, knowing that you had a practical, convenient day. Don't forget to lift the shade a bit!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I Can't Believe...

...that Nicholas Cage is making another movie.
I'm not talking about making another National Treasure.
Or another Ghost Whisperer.
I'm just venting my disbelief: I can't believe Nicholas Cage is making another movie.
If you like the Cage, sorry. I just have never found him appealing and find him quite ridiculous and growing more ridiculous as he ages (he ages about as well as John Trivolta--that was not a compliment). Cage's voice seems to get more muffled and lower, and his hairline continues to recede. And yet, he's in another movie! I didn't see a preview, just a poster. A black n' white poster catching Cage and his hairline full frontal as he glances with concern off to the right...I think he's wielding a gun of some sort. And the title is as thin as his hair: "Bangkok Dangerous", or something along those lines. And I ran smack into it...and that's when I exclaimed aloud "I can't believe Nicholas Cage is making another movie!"

Thursday, July 10, 2008


To say the least, Carmel was wonderful, inspiring, romantic, and all together lovely. I always get inspired to paint and be creative. And I enjoy eating out at fine dining. And I always wonder how I can somehow manage to live there someday...that devious scheme is still festering in my brain. Anyways, I am home now, and already sketching, and painting, and writing, and .... still festering. Great places that inspire you are to be commended and visited often. I'm sure we can all find inspiration in our own environments, but lets be real: there are just some places in the world that are down-right un-inspiring. Like San Bernardino. Or Compton. Or King City. Or how about Heathrow Airport in England. And let's not forget Donovon Street locally. These are places to be avoided if you want to keep inspiration a steady flow in your psyche. So if you have any upcoming plans to visit or pass through these uninspiring places, you may want to re-rout yourself. Of course if you are someone not affected by your environment or if you want to evolve into a Scrooge with no inspiration, then by all means, book a trip for Rialto.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Open Auditions

Because of my recent residence that will last only until Wednesday (ahem, Pine Inn in Carmel), I have been privy to a wider range of TV shows (the cottage yields only two channels). It has been quite enjoyable. Last night I indulged in Jon Stewart's Daily Show, along with Colbert's show--very entertaining. But the real indulgence has been in The View. Yes, some of you may have objections to this indulgence, but I am not ashamed to admit that I rather love the show. I mean, what's better than five stylish women bantering on about topics that don't really matter in everyday life? Again, I guess I just love people who get paid to give commentary on the world (I suppose my dream job!) I'm thinking of organizing my own version of the View. The stage can be the cottage porch. Now I need an older woman like Barbara Walters to give pearls of wisdom ("I recently attended a dinner with the ruler of Syria, and I found him and his wife quite wonderful, and...blah blah blah). I need a bullsy woman to shoot out quips while bobbing her red head like Joy ("Barbara, Italy called, they want their gondola back. I mean, what is with your outfit!"). And of course someone young and cute, but very conservative like Elizabeth ("I'm more of a McCain girl right now!"). And lastly two African-American women who will spice up the show like Whoopi ("I'm not that deep. I rarely research my roles") and Sherrie ("I know why they call it white-water rafting--we were the only black people out there in the water!") (I suppose they don't have to be African-American). Consider this my official casting call! I'm also up for good titles....

The Porch
The Cottage Girls
The Banter
The Commentators

Friday, July 04, 2008

A Time for Freedoms

Today is the Fourth of July, one of those mysterious holiday, where I never know what is going to happen, what to make of it. There are no set traditions for it, at least in my circle of acquaintances. What are some Fourth of July traditions? I mean, the holiday was birthed from rebels starting a war. Should we all dress in Colonial garb, carry around muskets, or write long and wordy documents declaring the freedoms we want? I think instead we eat and set off fireworks, right? This year the eating will happen, but the fireworks won't now that Orcutt isn't allowed to have them. Hmm...maybe that is something we can protest, we can declare our freedom for, we can write a Declaration of Fireworks! Here are some things I'm thinking of Declaring Freedom for:

Freedom to bear cellphones while driving
Freedom to partake in firework ceremonies
Freedom to receive free state-funded Starbucks beverages
Freedom to set up private work-schedules (ie every Friday off, every other Monday a holiday)

Those in favor of writing a Declaration of these freedoms, say "I!"

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Fauf's Got Talent

Many of you have heard me tell about my new fave TV show right now: America's Got Talent. Yes, I'm loving it. The judges really make it fun, and of course some of these people who think they have talent and then try it out, can be pretty ridiculous. Like the one guy who thought he sang like Tom Jones pretty well. He started singing and it sounded more like Elvis. So Sharon clarified it for him: "So you're doing Elvis doing Tom Jones." Or the woman who called herself the Singing Fairy. Yes, she was dressed as a fairy, and yes she tried to sing. Last night there was a ridiculous woman with ginormous boobs. And she used those humungous boobs to cruch cans! She called herself Busty Heart. The judges have already spoken memorable lines:

Sharon: "Most orchestra players are old greasy men, but you're fabulous!"
Pierce: "You are a complete waste of space and I want you to go now."
Cheesy David: "I'm proud of you for sticking with your dream, son!"

I sort of wish we had commentators to pass judgment on everyday life. It could make life very interesting....but I guess that's what this blog is for.