Confessions of a Fauf

Monday, January 29, 2007

Movie-Going Experience My Eye

Friday night I went to the movies (Edward's theater here in Santa Maria) with roomie Jen and watched Catch and Release with Jennifer Garner. Most people know this, but I must say it again: I adore Jennifer Garner and honestly think she would be my friend if I lived in her world. She seems so down to earth and genuiney nice. Anyways, the movie was good, but the movie-going experience was not. When we got to the theater, we had barely ten minutes before it started. Jen and I were starving, but knew the only food we had time to get was from the snack bar. So while Jen saved our seats, I stood in line at the snack bar. It was ridiculous. Here is how the whole situation played out (in sitcom fashion):

Clerk: half-sleep with a low voice "Can I help you?"
Me: "Yeah, first what is a 'tornado'?
Clerk: "Uh, I think it's like a tequito thing...or something."
Me: "So is it meat inside a tortilla...?"
Clerk: "Uh, I'm not sure. Let me ask." He saunters off, unaware that this place is very busy, people are in a ruch, and his co-workers are running around crazy trying to please these people.

I wait. And wait. As he returns, another customer standing off to the side asks, "When are my hot dogs gonna be done?"
Clerk: "Uh, I dunno."
Man: "Can you find out? I need to know how long to wait."
Clerk: "Uh, ok." He saunters off, leaving me to wonder what on earth I'm supposed to do.

I wait. And wait. Meanwhile there's this annoying young girl behind me, practically leaning against me and breathing in my ear. Suddenly, hope! Another clerk opens her register. She calls out, "I can help the next person in line!"

I wait. And wait. I don't wanna be too pushy, but no one else is stepping up to her. I glance down the counter and see the first dufus of a clerk still sauntering around. Geez! I leave the counter and practically run to the other register.

Clerk 2: "Hi, can I help you?"
Me: "I hope. I'd like a hot dog, a pretzel, a cherry slushy, and a cup of water."
Clerk 2: "Sorry, we're out of the cherry slushy. It's not frozen yet."
Me: "Ok, then two cups of water."
Clerk 2: "No problem." She races away.

I wait. And wait. I notice the poor hot dog customer is still waiting for his hot dogs, looking annoyed. The clerk 2 races back to me with the hot dog and pretzel.

Clerk 2: "That's $9.25."
Me: I pass her my card, she zips it, just as a beeping sound goes off in the background, sounding quite insistent. The clerk 2 begins an indecisive dodging game between me and the beeping source, trying to decide which is more important. Finally, the beeping wins and she races off to push a button that just saved the world...or at least the popcorn. She's back and gives me my receipt.

Me: I hate to bring it up, but--"Two cups of water?"
Clerk 2: "Oh, sorry. Here."

With my snacks in my purse (my large theater-going purse) and cups of water in hand, I dodge into the theater and hand the snacks to Jen.

Jen: "Where's the slushy?"
Me: "It wasn't frozen."
Jen: sighs and gets up. "Then I'm getting a soda." She misses the first five minutes of the movie, but at least she's happy.

Meanwhile, I douse my hotdog with mustard, it's not much of a dinner, but it suffices. Jen opens her soft pretzel.
Jen: "Did they just stick this thing in a microwave or something?"
Me: "Looks that way. Sorry."
We watch the movie. It's great, it's soon over, and we want to leave this horrific movie-going experience.

Jen: "I'm leaving my trash."
Me: "Good. Let's leave all our trash. Hey, and clean out your wallet. I'll clean out my purse. Now is the best time to do that."
We stand up to leave.

Jen: "Ha-ha! You left your trash on the floor!"
Me: "I know. They need to bend down and clean it up."
We leave. And while it was the worste movie-going experience of all time, I must admit I am a bit ashamed of my deliberate uncleanliness. It goes against my principles of not littering. I will never litter again!


Blogger Michael said...

I'm going to tell your students you like to litter and you leave things on the floor for workers who haven't done anything wrong to you.

I mean it's kind of like a parent coming into your class and taking pencil shavings out of their pockets and throwing them on their student's desk all because you took too long to call them back about which type of pencil to use in class.

I'm just saying, two wrongs don't make a right.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been thinking how to redeem myself, and then realized I do it everyday by picking up pencil shavings left by my students. I do feel a bit guilty for my theater littering, but would be lying to say I didn't feel a tinge of satisfaction. My sin nature, what can I say?

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To litter or not to litter-yes,that is the question.... but under the snack bar horror- galore circumstances, it's amazing the emotionally scared Fauf didn't totally destroy and firebomb the whole theatre.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Your a good writer. At least this one blog, it is 2 in the morning and I am boredand havent read any others of yours..., however I couldnt help but become engrossed in what was going on. I didnt know if the guy waiting for his hotdogs was going to get all mad and ask why you got his hotdog and then the moral delima of giving him yours or running away victorously... Anyways I think I will run away now to ponder for some time about sleep...

2:14 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Tentative schedule:

8:00-3:15 Dunlap
3:30-6:30 Hancock
6:30-9:30 Teaching
9:30-10:00 Hancock

8:00-3:15 Dunlap
3:30-6:30 Hancock
9:00-11:00 Worship

8:00-1:15 Dunlap
1:30-6:30 Hancock

8:00-2:45 Dunlap
3:00-7:00 Hancock
7:00-9:30 College

8:00-2:45 Dunlap
3:00-6:00 Hancock

10:01 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

lol, that blog was so exciting! It was like reading one of my favorite books. anyway, Im sorry you had such a horrible time at the movies..but think of it this way, you found something awesome to write about! very entertaining. thanks!

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael, is this just for this week, or all weeks? Tentative, meaning likely to change, or remotely possible to change? How sad are we that we have to communicate via blog posts. Anyone else want to post their schedules? Let's see how many comments we can get on this one post! :)

1:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

This is my last post on this one blog. You are turning in to Kaleb, a man so obsessed with his comments he doesn't even post anything worthy anymore. I say. Goodbye.

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well...that was rather shirty of Michael wasn't it? You owe me a gilmore girls season 3! And a woman! but mostly season 3, becuase i have long since given up hope of a mate.

12:33 AM  

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